Sleep inertia: it's that feeling of haze and sluggishness that lasts for up to thirty minutes after being awoken from sleep.
It's exactly what I feel during my first week of intern year, one night at 3:00 AM on the phone with my senior resident.
"Hello?" I try not to sound too groggy.
"Have you ever done a death pronouncement before?" My senior resident also sounds very sleepy.
"No..."
"Well we're going to do one. Meet me on the third floor."
In the hospital, when someone dies, a doctor needs to examine the patient, make sure they have indeed passed away, then pronounce the death and call the family and the patient's primary doctor. A very emotionally grueling role, one that can be made even more agonizing if the room is filled with sobbing/yelling/crying family members.
For better or for worse, this patient is alone. She was already on hospice, meaning it was already decided by her and her family that her care would focus primarily on comfort, rather than curing or treating her illness. It was only a matter of time.
When my senior resident and I reach the room, she is laying in bed, her eyes closed and mouth wide open. My senior nods at me, encouraging me to start the exam. He had coached me on our way to her room, First you have to check her responsiveness. Say her name, touch her arm. Next, listen to her heart and lungs. You shouldn't hear anything. Check her pulse. You shouldn't feel anything. Open her eyes and check her pupils. And that's it. Write a note, then start making calls.
It was eerie. In medical school, they teach you to listen for heart beats, listen for breath sounds. With all our work with cadavers in anatomy class, it never really prepared me for the silence I hear when I place my stethoscope on this woman's chest. My senior helps me by opening her eyes so I can check her pupils. I have never been one who advocates that Oh, the soul is in the eyes, but as I stare into the blackness of her pupils with my penlight, I see nothing but emptiness staring back.
I did not know this woman, but there is still something gut wrenching about having to declare her "Deceased". As though if I didn't put it into writing, it could somehow be reversed. I sign my note.
My senior, who thankfully took the duty of making the phone calls to her family and doctor, mouths something to me as he is dialing. "Don't forget the paperwork."
I feel zombie-like as I take the sheet of paper from the nurse, and again reiterate the details. Time of death: 0300.
As I check boxes, I wonder how this experience could be different if it had happened during the day. Maybe under the cloak of night, death seems a twinge more macabre. I finish signing my name. No, I decide, it probably makes no difference.
I go back to my call room. Lie in the bed with the hospital sheets and hospital blankets, the same sheets and blankets that cover the patients' beds. They used to smell sterile. Now they smell a little like death. I fall asleep anyway.
Two hours later, when I wake up, I am a little less groggy. And, what do you know, my sheets smell sterile again.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
The One with the Proposal (Part 2)
So we had gotten to the morning of our third day in Vegas. We had one more night, and I had been told that I had to pack up allllll my things and that I was being "sent" somewhere that morning.
It turns out that "somehwhere" was the Bellagio salon! MM had booked me a surprise manicure!! (Collective "awww"....NOW!) You can see where my crazy girl-brain was going with all this. Even my manicurist asked "...so is he going to propose??" ("I don't want to jinx it." I had replied.)
So I come out of my manicure with some pretty french tips, and I am ready to find out what this whole packing business was about. MM meets me in the lobby, and asks me to accompany him to our new room.
...And by room, I mean PENTHOUSE SUITE.
Yes, it had a living and dining area, wet bar, 2 and a HALF BATHROOMS, a sauna in the shower, and a bidet! (If you've never tried a bidet, it's....interesting.) AND to top it all off, from the 30th floor, we had the perfect view of the Bellagio fountains. ZOMG, I was over the moon.
MM has the biggest grin on his face, and says "I think Vegas should be full of surprises."
After I have sufficiently played in every room (yes, I am that person that opens every drawer. Is that weird?), MM suggests that we have dinner in the room tonight, because of our fantabulous view. "But we should still dress up," he adds, maybe when he sees my crestfallen face at the idea of just eating in our PJs. What can I say, I am a girl who likes getting dolled up.
Our fancy duds weren't completely out of place, though--where else does room service provide you with a tablecloth, fresh flowers, and a bread basket?? Oh, and the steaks were restaurant quality as well. Highly recommended for your next penthouse stay ;)
So as we ate dinner, we enjoyed the beautiful Bellagio fountain shows, scheduled for every fifteen minutes until midnight.
Well, about halfway through dinner, the fountains broke. MM and I waited patiently for them to restart, but even upon finishing our meals, still no shows. MM called down to the front desk to inquire, and was given the flimsy answer of: "Oh, it's pretty windy. There might be another show in fifteen minutes." Another thirty minutes pass. No show. I am starting to get frustrated that we can't enjoy our view to its fullest potential, when MM just sighs and says, "Well, let's just do something else, then, but let's enjoy the view down the strip at least, for a little bit longer. Come join me at the window."
So I get up, and I face the window, with MM behind me. "So this has been a really great three and a half years with you," he starts. And my mind just starts swimming. My girl-brain thinks of something appropriate to do or say, and it comes up with Finding Nemo. Yes, you read correctly. During my proposal, I started rambling about a PIXAR MOVIE. I stammer about the crabs in Finding Nemo for a couple minutes before MM gives me a look that says "Can I finish please??"
He continues with what I can only assume is a very romantic speech about our relationship (because I was so overwhelmed I can't remember a single thing after the Finding Nemo bit).....and as I am still facing the window, I see his reflection in the plate glass window take a step back, then get down on one knee.
I turn, and he is holding up the most gorgeous ring I could have ever imagined. "Will you marry me?" And after several seconds of bawling (yes, not just crying, but BAWLING) and fanning myself, I manage to make out "YES!!"
And this is our obligatory immediately-post-proposal picture (with champagne we had promptly ordered from room service):
And we both lived happily ever after!
....o wait, isn't there something that comes before?? Up next: wedding planning!
It turns out that "somehwhere" was the Bellagio salon! MM had booked me a surprise manicure!! (Collective "awww"....NOW!) You can see where my crazy girl-brain was going with all this. Even my manicurist asked "...so is he going to propose??" ("I don't want to jinx it." I had replied.)
So I come out of my manicure with some pretty french tips, and I am ready to find out what this whole packing business was about. MM meets me in the lobby, and asks me to accompany him to our new room.
...And by room, I mean PENTHOUSE SUITE.
 |
| This photo absolutely does not do it justice, but I didn't want to bore you with real estate. |
 |
| How awesome is this view?? |
After I have sufficiently played in every room (yes, I am that person that opens every drawer. Is that weird?), MM suggests that we have dinner in the room tonight, because of our fantabulous view. "But we should still dress up," he adds, maybe when he sees my crestfallen face at the idea of just eating in our PJs. What can I say, I am a girl who likes getting dolled up.
Our fancy duds weren't completely out of place, though--where else does room service provide you with a tablecloth, fresh flowers, and a bread basket?? Oh, and the steaks were restaurant quality as well. Highly recommended for your next penthouse stay ;)
 |
| All dressed up |
 |
| A shoddy picture of our delicious room service fare |
 |
| *Sigh* I love these fountains |
So I get up, and I face the window, with MM behind me. "So this has been a really great three and a half years with you," he starts. And my mind just starts swimming. My girl-brain thinks of something appropriate to do or say, and it comes up with Finding Nemo. Yes, you read correctly. During my proposal, I started rambling about a PIXAR MOVIE. I stammer about the crabs in Finding Nemo for a couple minutes before MM gives me a look that says "Can I finish please??"
He continues with what I can only assume is a very romantic speech about our relationship (because I was so overwhelmed I can't remember a single thing after the Finding Nemo bit).....and as I am still facing the window, I see his reflection in the plate glass window take a step back, then get down on one knee.
I turn, and he is holding up the most gorgeous ring I could have ever imagined. "Will you marry me?" And after several seconds of bawling (yes, not just crying, but BAWLING) and fanning myself, I manage to make out "YES!!"
And this is our obligatory immediately-post-proposal picture (with champagne we had promptly ordered from room service):
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| Deliriously happy |
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| Obligatory night-of ring pic |
....o wait, isn't there something that comes before?? Up next: wedding planning!
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
The One with the Proposal
Let me start from the beginning. The beginning was about 3 years ago. MM and I had been dating for a few months at this point, and we wanted to take a vacation during our school break. We had decided on Las Vegas, seeing as how it fit nicely within our budget. It was wonderful--we stayed in Paris, watched the Beatles Cirque du Soleil show LOVE, and in front of the Bellagio fountains, MM told me he loved me for the first time. (Okay, everybody gag....NOW!)
So when it came time to plan our vacation this year, again with a tight budget, we decided to do Las Vegas again! I was thrilled--there was so much more of Vegas I hadn't seen! So many places I had yet to stay! So many shows I had yet to watch! (And so on and so forth.)
We had found a FANTASTIC deal for the MGM Grand ($69/night, thanks to Vegas.com), which I was perfectly happy with. MM suggested that we stay for three nights, and that he would plan the first and third nights, and I could plan the second. MM decided on In-and-Out Burger and the Jabbawockeez for the first night, and I had suggested Bobby Flay's Mesa Grill and Cirque du Soleil's Zumanity for the second night. MM refused to tell me what he had planned for the third night, which should have been my first hint....
So fast forward a few months: MM and I arrive at the Las Vegas airport. I am telling him we need to figure out how to get to the MGM Grand, and ask him if there is a shuttle. MM says he will figure it out. We come down the escalators, and lo and behold, there is a suited gentleman with a sign with MM's name on it.
I am confused. "Is this the shuttle driver?" I ask, as the man takes our suitcases and leads us outside. MM has a cryptic smile on his face.
Outside, my confusion is replaced with surprise as I see where the driver is headed.
"You got us a LIMO?!?!" I shriek. (I'm sure the driver is just listening to our conversation, bemused.)
MM smiles and motions for me to get in. So I do. And I marvel at all the little amenities inside said limo, disregarding all the little signs that say "Bellagio" on it...Then we pull into the Bellagio driveway. Once again, I am confused.
"Wait, are we still going to the MGM Grand?" (I'm sure at this point, the driver thinks I am mentally handicapped.)
"No, silly. I decided to upgrade us to the Bellagio!" And upgrade us, he did. As soon as we arrived, a bellhop was there to pick up our suitcases. Yet another suited gentleman hands MM an envelope: "Your itinerary for the stay, sir."
We are ushered past the checkout lines and through an unmarked door. Inside, is a private concierge desk, and a spread of pastries, wine, and beverages like I have never seen at a hotel check-in. Still unsure of what is going on, I sit on the couch in this VIP room in a half-daze as MM checks us in.
MM tells me, "I talked to my cousin, and he got us this VIP service. Unfortunately, I couldn't get us an upgrade for our room, so we're just in a standard."
Are you kidding me?? I don't need an upgrade, I'm in the Bellagio, baby!!!! This is what I am thinking, but I am still in shock, so I just mumble my understanding and follow him up to our "standard" room. Which was still pretty damn nice.
So we spend our time enjoying the Bellagio pool during the day, and entertaining ourselves on the strip at night.
After our delicious dinner at Mesa Grill, MM gives me a serious look. "Okay, so tomorrow morning, I want you to pack up all your things, and I am sending you somewhere."
I try to get more out of him than this, but he is tight lipped. I am suspicious, but the next morning, I do as he asks and pack up my entire suitcase...
....and the next part will have to wait for the next post!
 |
| MM in front of the Bellagio Fountains during one of the nightly shows |
We had found a FANTASTIC deal for the MGM Grand ($69/night, thanks to Vegas.com), which I was perfectly happy with. MM suggested that we stay for three nights, and that he would plan the first and third nights, and I could plan the second. MM decided on In-and-Out Burger and the Jabbawockeez for the first night, and I had suggested Bobby Flay's Mesa Grill and Cirque du Soleil's Zumanity for the second night. MM refused to tell me what he had planned for the third night, which should have been my first hint....
So fast forward a few months: MM and I arrive at the Las Vegas airport. I am telling him we need to figure out how to get to the MGM Grand, and ask him if there is a shuttle. MM says he will figure it out. We come down the escalators, and lo and behold, there is a suited gentleman with a sign with MM's name on it.
I am confused. "Is this the shuttle driver?" I ask, as the man takes our suitcases and leads us outside. MM has a cryptic smile on his face.
Outside, my confusion is replaced with surprise as I see where the driver is headed.
"You got us a LIMO?!?!" I shriek. (I'm sure the driver is just listening to our conversation, bemused.)
MM smiles and motions for me to get in. So I do. And I marvel at all the little amenities inside said limo, disregarding all the little signs that say "Bellagio" on it...Then we pull into the Bellagio driveway. Once again, I am confused.
"Wait, are we still going to the MGM Grand?" (I'm sure at this point, the driver thinks I am mentally handicapped.)
"No, silly. I decided to upgrade us to the Bellagio!" And upgrade us, he did. As soon as we arrived, a bellhop was there to pick up our suitcases. Yet another suited gentleman hands MM an envelope: "Your itinerary for the stay, sir."
We are ushered past the checkout lines and through an unmarked door. Inside, is a private concierge desk, and a spread of pastries, wine, and beverages like I have never seen at a hotel check-in. Still unsure of what is going on, I sit on the couch in this VIP room in a half-daze as MM checks us in.
MM tells me, "I talked to my cousin, and he got us this VIP service. Unfortunately, I couldn't get us an upgrade for our room, so we're just in a standard."
Are you kidding me?? I don't need an upgrade, I'm in the Bellagio, baby!!!! This is what I am thinking, but I am still in shock, so I just mumble my understanding and follow him up to our "standard" room. Which was still pretty damn nice.
So we spend our time enjoying the Bellagio pool during the day, and entertaining ourselves on the strip at night.
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| Jabbawockeez stage |
 |
| Us at Mesa Grill |
I try to get more out of him than this, but he is tight lipped. I am suspicious, but the next morning, I do as he asks and pack up my entire suitcase...
....and the next part will have to wait for the next post!
Monday, June 27, 2011
Ohmygod We're Back Again
(Anybody else think of a particular boy band in Halloween costumes??)
Apologies, world, I once again disappeared off thee interwebz for an obscene period of time. BUT, I have two (arguably) good reasons:
1. I graduated!! Woohoo, now I'm officially a Doc!
2. This one deserves a whole other post, but let's just say it starts with a "Will you..." and ends with a "YES!"
Oh, and it also involves one of these!
Stay tuned!
P.S. (You're welcome.)
Apologies, world, I once again disappeared off thee interwebz for an obscene period of time. BUT, I have two (arguably) good reasons:
1. I graduated!! Woohoo, now I'm officially a Doc!
2. This one deserves a whole other post, but let's just say it starts with a "Will you..." and ends with a "YES!"
Oh, and it also involves one of these!
 |
| Credit for this awesome photo goes to MM's sister! |
Stay tuned!
P.S. (You're welcome.)
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Exercising sucks too.
Long gone are the days when I actually enjoyed going to the gym. In high school, I'd go for an hour to two hours at a time and be delightfully happy.
Now I'm lucky if I can motivate my lazy ass to get off the couch and onto the treadmill for 35 minutes. And it's not a very enthralling 35 minutes either. It starts out painfully, thinking "OMGI'mGoingToDie" for the first 5 minutes before I hit my stride. Then towards the end of 3.1 miles, I start thinking "OMGWhenIsThisGoingToEnd".
(Why 3.1 miles? I tell myself I have to run a 5k before I'm allowed to stop. I don't know why, but I listen better to myself when I make up rules like that.)
Weight training is not any better. I can't make myself do multiple reps, multiple sets of stupid free weights or machines. *YAWN* BOOOOORING.
I would post my exercise log on this blog to give myself some public accountability, but I'm probably too lazy to even do that. *SIGH* Sloth is definitely my deadliest sin of choice.
I will admit though, I do feel very productive after my workout. It's a pretty great feeling of accomplishment after I've run a few miles, and worked on my abs ("Beach muscles" MM calls them, because they're useless and he doesn't care about them). Too bad I can't fast forward through the 45 minutes it takes to get there.
Any tips for motivation out there?
Now I'm lucky if I can motivate my lazy ass to get off the couch and onto the treadmill for 35 minutes. And it's not a very enthralling 35 minutes either. It starts out painfully, thinking "OMGI'mGoingToDie" for the first 5 minutes before I hit my stride. Then towards the end of 3.1 miles, I start thinking "OMGWhenIsThisGoingToEnd".
(Why 3.1 miles? I tell myself I have to run a 5k before I'm allowed to stop. I don't know why, but I listen better to myself when I make up rules like that.)
Weight training is not any better. I can't make myself do multiple reps, multiple sets of stupid free weights or machines. *YAWN* BOOOOORING.
I would post my exercise log on this blog to give myself some public accountability, but I'm probably too lazy to even do that. *SIGH* Sloth is definitely my deadliest sin of choice.
I will admit though, I do feel very productive after my workout. It's a pretty great feeling of accomplishment after I've run a few miles, and worked on my abs ("Beach muscles" MM calls them, because they're useless and he doesn't care about them). Too bad I can't fast forward through the 45 minutes it takes to get there.
Any tips for motivation out there?
Monday, May 2, 2011
My future bed
We received an Ethan Allen catalog in the mail recently (what's up with people thinking we have money to spend??), and I think I found my future bed.
I always thought I wanted a canopy bed.
Something whimsical about the four post bed. Maybe I secretly want to be a princess.
BUT in the Ethan Allen catalog, I saw the most beauuuuuutiful sleigh bed:
LOVES. I may give up my four post dreams for this bed...
I always thought I wanted a canopy bed.
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| From Pottery Barn |
BUT in the Ethan Allen catalog, I saw the most beauuuuuutiful sleigh bed:
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| From Ethan Allen |
Sunday, May 1, 2011
A shoe story
A few weeks ago, I got it in my head that I needed nude wedges. Armed with a vague idea of what I wanted, I wandered the shoe aisle of TJ Maxx (LOVE the deals). After trying on several shoes that were cute but not what I was looking for, I thought I found a pair that worked.
They were only $24.99, and they seemed comfortable enough in the store. There was still this nagging feeling inside my head, though, that they weren't. quite. right. I didn't even know what I was looking for really--so again, with a vague idea in my head, I started browsing the internet. After visiting my usual haunts --Aldo, Nine West, Endless, Zappos-- I came up empty. On a whim, I clicked on Piperlime. Then, I found THE PAIR.
May I introduce the Dolce Vita Sancia in natural. It was perfect. The exact nude color I was envisioning, a wedge, and oh-so-high. And it was on sale! ....for $129. *screeeeeeech*
That is my entire month's budget for groceries. BAM. Perspective. Distraught (oh yes, first world problems), I tried to love the shoes I had already bought. They are high, reasonably comfortable with the soft suede straps......but I still couldn't help thinking about the Sancia. It was my DREAM shoe. The TJ shoe was not enough wedge, too 'bone' colored. Frustrated, I tried looking for less expensive alternatives. Instead, I just found lookalikes that were even more expensive (True Religion's Sue, DVF's Opal).
Until today. Browsing through Forever 21 (don't make fun of me; I try to avoid the teenybopper stuff), I saw a very promising perspective. The color was perfect, and it was a sky high wedge. It didn't have a price tag, but when I came up to the counter--$24.50!! Score!!!! Back to the store for you, TJ shoes!!!
The picture is not great, but the color is exactly what I was looking for, AND it was a wedge. It doesn't have the awesome bandage detail of the Sancia, but at a fraction of the cost, I can't complain. LOVES.
I think I really just wanted to replace my all time favorite summer shoes:
These splash wedges were bought for me by my mom back when I was in high school. Yes, they are a decade old, but they were so comfortable I could run in them, and still high and cute. Despite being battered and gross (as evidenced by the picture), I've been reluctant to throw them out of the back of the closet. Probably out of nostalgia. But now, with the new shoes, out with the old!!!
Moral of the story: yay shoes.
They were only $24.99, and they seemed comfortable enough in the store. There was still this nagging feeling inside my head, though, that they weren't. quite. right. I didn't even know what I was looking for really--so again, with a vague idea in my head, I started browsing the internet. After visiting my usual haunts --Aldo, Nine West, Endless, Zappos-- I came up empty. On a whim, I clicked on Piperlime. Then, I found THE PAIR.
May I introduce the Dolce Vita Sancia in natural. It was perfect. The exact nude color I was envisioning, a wedge, and oh-so-high. And it was on sale! ....for $129. *screeeeeeech*
That is my entire month's budget for groceries. BAM. Perspective. Distraught (oh yes, first world problems), I tried to love the shoes I had already bought. They are high, reasonably comfortable with the soft suede straps......but I still couldn't help thinking about the Sancia. It was my DREAM shoe. The TJ shoe was not enough wedge, too 'bone' colored. Frustrated, I tried looking for less expensive alternatives. Instead, I just found lookalikes that were even more expensive (True Religion's Sue, DVF's Opal).
Until today. Browsing through Forever 21 (don't make fun of me; I try to avoid the teenybopper stuff), I saw a very promising perspective. The color was perfect, and it was a sky high wedge. It didn't have a price tag, but when I came up to the counter--$24.50!! Score!!!! Back to the store for you, TJ shoes!!!
The picture is not great, but the color is exactly what I was looking for, AND it was a wedge. It doesn't have the awesome bandage detail of the Sancia, but at a fraction of the cost, I can't complain. LOVES.
I think I really just wanted to replace my all time favorite summer shoes:
These splash wedges were bought for me by my mom back when I was in high school. Yes, they are a decade old, but they were so comfortable I could run in them, and still high and cute. Despite being battered and gross (as evidenced by the picture), I've been reluctant to throw them out of the back of the closet. Probably out of nostalgia. But now, with the new shoes, out with the old!!!
Moral of the story: yay shoes.
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